In 2013, I became a WAHM (work-at-home-mom). I was privileged to be able to make that choice. And, I made it knowing what I was gaining (more time with my child) and what I was giving up (a separate work life and a clear trajectory on my career path). I have devoted so many sleepless hours to raising children while balancing running a pottery business with my full-time artist husband along with bookkeeping I did on the side. Fortunately, I’ve been able to work remotely these last seven years without having to go to an office (loving that my commute is nonexistent), but that doesn’t make it any easier, honestly. The separation of work and family life is tough, especially when my office is just…right…there. I jump in for a few minutes only to be interrupted again. Only the surface fires are put out. Never the deep, smoldering ones, the slow-burning ones, the smell of smoke always lingering. But, as any parent knows it’s a juggling act. Which item needs more attention right now: my greasy hair or the proposal due at 9 am tomorrow? Proposal wins. Again.
Today, most of us have no choice but to work from home with our children. The “fires” we need to put out are smoldering everywhere. We are now, officially, WAHPs (work-at-home parents). And, for many, this is less than ideal. Fortunately, for me, working from home isn’t new, and working around kids is an old hat. I’m not saying I’m winning at it, because I’m not. Being a decent multitasker means I can juggle a handful of things but do none of them very well. Just ask the clean laundry that has been sitting in the laundry baskets for the past two weeks.
We’ve set unfair expectations on our working parents (this issue was always there, but it’s made so much more obvious now), asking them to be successful both in life and in their career, proving themselves constantly. Making three meals a day from scratch, getting all the homework done without stress or pressure-tactics, a clean home, a beautiful yard. At some point, we may break. Meltdowns and burnout are real things and to expect us WAHPs to perform at 100% on all levels is a joke. Then, this pandemic hit the world and we are stretched to our max. To transplant a traditional office worker to a home office, surrounded by cookies and wine in the cupboard, a toddler in the background listening to Caillou for the billionth time (trust me, if you’ve never heard the theme song, you don’t want to), is like building a house of cards. Eventually, the slightest breeze will make it come crashing down…with devastating results. So, let’s set realistic expectations on our work-from-home community and reasonable limits on workloads so that we can all get through this emotionally, mentally, and physically draining time together. Let’s aim for 75% success. Let’s be the best mediocre multitaskers we can be right now. Because that is our level best.
And, let’s talk about schooling at home, or the lack thereof. True, we don’t want our kids to fall behind in school, but right now the main focus is to continue to hold that job (and make a paycheck since reality is that many aren’t as fortunate). As my sister says “working helps me cope with the stress of the world.” It’s something predictable that we can count on right now and it helps us to not dwell on the things outside of our control. I cannot force my oldest child (who’s in first grade) to sit for three hours a day at a computer while he pushes shapes around a screen and sorts nouns and verbs. He’s only 7. And, being a teacher is way outside of my job description. He wants to be outside, learning how to use a hammer and building new structures like his pole bean trellis, digging holes and discovering bugs he’s never seen before and looking at them under a magnifying glass, or running his fastest with his “fast” shoes on. He is getting real-life experience, he is learning about his body and what it’s capable of, he is living science and exploring the world first-hand. Nature is his school, curiosity his teacher. That counts for something. My almost-5 year old just wants to capture caterpillars in a jar and show me his ninja moves. In those wild-eyed moments of discovery, I take mental pictures of my children to smile at later when I need a moment of brightness when the world just feels a bit too heavy to handle.
We hope that in this extra time you have with your family, that you find moments worth capturing. If you have young children at home, try to tap into that unbridled joy and curiosity that they exude. Take breaks from your computer screen (your eyes will thank you). Get on your kids’ level, sit on the floor, play mega nerf gun pirate battle with them. Research why the sky is actually blue. They will remember these times as fun because they got to have their parents’ attention more than before. If you have children older than mine, like teenagers and up, I’ve got nothing for ya. Sorry. I wish you all the best.
Here are my survival tips when working at home with children. I don’t do all of these all the time. That’s beyond my ability. But, I try to incorporate as many as possible to help me stay sane. I hope at least one helps you:
This time is bizarre and unprecedented. We have no blueprint. As WAHPs, though, we are going through the thorny brambles together. You are not alone. It’s ok to feel out of control and overwhelmed. It’s ok to not feel ok. Have compassion for yourself and your emotional and physical capacity to complete things. It is a failure of our society to not allow us to be good at both our jobs and parenting, that one has to come at the expense of the other. However, the silver lining in this crisis is that we are raising a generation of children who have the potential to grow up with incredible resilience. In a time when we really need more human touch and hugs, and can’t get it from everyone we love, give some extra snuggles to those already in your life. Your fur baby, your real baby, your grown child, your man child, your awesome and amazingly supportive partner, everyone under your roof. But, please, stay at home.
My blessing for the close of the day:
To the essential workers, we salute you. You work miracles every day.
To the teachers and daycare workers, we salute you. I am incredibly humbled and grateful for what you do on a daily basis for our kids. You are superheroes and need to be paid a gazillion dollars a year.
To those growing our food, we salute you. Some know who grows their food, some don’t. We hope that you get to #knowyourfarmer and shake their hand one day soon.
A few other educational resources you may find helpful:
Tech Automation for Working Parents
Color Our Collections – Museums let you download art for coloring yourself (so cool!)
Live Cams around the world (it’s baby eagle season!)
Some perspective and Advice from Master Homeschoolers
